Five Year Goodbye
by PeaceLoveGlamazon
Summary: It's been five years since Arizona's death in the plane accident. Five years since Callie got to say her feelings and final goodbye, until she decided to write them down and go to a place where she could give them to Arizona the best she thought she could


_**This is set exactly five years after theseason 8 finale. The italics is Callie's letter/words later in the fic. The letter is in Callie's POV.**_

_She has grown up so beautiful. You would be so proud, only five and she's walking around talking about how her Barbie dolls have all these injuries and she has to fix them like her 's doing amazing in school, top of her first grade class. Yeah, you read this right, first grade. She's a quick learner and she wants to learn about anything and everything, I guess she got that from you. Her papers line the refigerators at the house as well as Mark's, she wants to put them everywhere. "Do I make Mommy proud?" she always asks, and proud isn't even the word_

_She puts herself to bed every night at exactly eight, she is so grown already I don't know what I'm gonna be able to do when she's actually hitting her teen years. She lays in bed with me when I'm upset and she'll always play with my hair saying it'll be okay. Did she get that from you too? I swear she did, or you like..tell her to do it or something. Sofia is just...God I don't even know how to describe it. She's only five yet she makes me so proud already._

_There's not a day that goes back when you're not on my mind. Not a day that goes back that I wish you was here to watch our daughter grow. I know you are with us, but I want you here. I miss being held by you at night, or curling up to watch a movie. I miss our kisses and hugs and even our fights. I miss how we used to make up after them, nothing is the same without you here. I try to not let it show, but it shows so much..so so much. You were my life, my soulmate, my everything. I hate not waking up everyday to you beside me, or our lunch dates at work._

_Work..God it's so hard to be within the walls of that hospital without you. People ask all the time if I'm okay, more so when it's gets closer to today. I always say I'm okay but deep down I'm just..broken. I'm lost. I should be used to this by now, right? Like it's been five years, five years of the daily heartache, yet here I am writing this letter and just wanting to die. Mark blames himself, but he will never tell me. He told me how you told him to take care of us while you were fighting that infection in your leg. I wish they would've found you sooner, even if it was just hours. Hours would've changed everything, and even if it didn't a hour would've gave me a chance to say goodbye.. I opened my everything up to you. You made me love you with your smile and your love and your swwetness. You made me forget about George cheating or Erica just up and leaving. You made me feel normal and loved then you just went and did this._

_I..I know it's not your fault, I know you had no control over this. But at the same time..I can't help it. I just want to scream and cry and curl up into a ball. I will never forget when they found you guys. They brought out Lexie's bidy first, then everyone else came out, Mark came out and got on a stretcher, and I looked around and you were nowhere. When Cristina came up to me with tears in her eyes I just collasped onto the ground. Cristina Yang never cries, but she did this day. She did for you. She later told me your final words. Your final words were suppose to be to me, not to a co-worker. You loved me and Sofia and we'd be okay. Am I really okay? I'm not sure. I'm not sure if I'll ever be okay, but at the same time I have to be. I need to be..for Sofia's sake. She asks about you all the time, I will never let her forget you. _

_I know this bounces around, and for that I'm sorry. I just..I needed to get some of this out. It won't make me feel any better. All honesty, nothing will. I just want my babygirl back. I want you back so bad it will spend the rest of my life eating me alive. I can't take off my ring, I still can't sleep on your side of the bed. As much as you're gone, you're still around and it makes me sick. I can't live without you, and the fact I have to kills me. One thing is for sure, I have loved you since we met and I will love you until I die. And to this day, no one is aloud to call me Calliope._

Mascara and eye-liner slowly dripped down the face of Callie Torres as she made a slow exit out of her Dodge Charger and into the cemetary. The letter that she written was in one hand, her other is being used every few minutes to whipe the black streaks off her face. Five years ago today was when the helicopter landed on the roof of Seattle Grace/Mercy West hospital and the Latina was the first one there waiting. She saw Lexie's body bag. She saw Mark wrapped up in blankets and was on a stretcher and taken directly to the OR. She saw Meredith and Derek get out, Cristina being the last one. Cristina placing her hand on her shoulder and said she was sorry as the last body bag came out. No happy reuinon. No "I love you so much, Calliope" Nothing. Just a body bag that held the one woman Callie wanted to spend forever with.

Five years later she walks in Arizona's favorite outfit of hers, yet it was something so simple. Black Nike sneakers, a cute pink and black top and a pair of dark blue jeans. She walks down the graveyard as she knows exactly where the tombstone is. Callie always said she was going to stop toturing herself like this, but today she had to. Today she had to suck up everything in her to come do this. Five years is a long time, but yet it's not long enough. Callie hated waking up every morning to an empty bed, but she knew she had to fight every emotion that told her to stay down for the sake of her daughter.

Callie stopped in her tracks as she just looked at the tombstone. Five years and part of her still didn't believe it was true. Part of her wanted to believe Arizona was still in Africa and she would be home soon. But no. No hugs, no kisses, no "I love you Calliope" Nothing. She fell to her knees so softly, her hand rubbing over the "Arizona Robbins" ingraving in the tombstone. Rolling her eyes up to the sky, Callie bit on her bottom lip as she grabbed the tape out of her pocket, taking a few pieces and sticking it to the letter. Her tears freely fell harder as she taped it to her tombstone, Callie sitting on the ground when she started playing with the grass in front of her.

_All of these lines across my face, tell you the story of who I am. So many stories of where I've been and how I got to where I am. But these stories don't mean anything if you got no one to tell them to..._

Callie's voice cracked as she sang, but she had to finish. She had sang this every year since she died. She sang it at their wedding, on every anniversary. It was their song, and it was so true. Callie never wanted anyone else. She never would want anyone ever again. Arizona was her soulmate, her whole world. And without her, Callie just never saw herself loving anyone ever again. It was always them against the world, and now Callie had to take on the world alone.

_...it's true. I was made for you._


End file.
